My sisters have got plenty of drama; cranking out so much content enough to sustain a reality TV show for an entire lifetime and possibly even spilling over into the afterlife. This show, if it ever saw the light of day, would undoubtedly be in the league of Generations—remember the South African TV soap? Gosh! That thing has aired since my fetal days inside mom’s belly. Not sure it’s still airing, but I certainly wouldn’t dispute if you told me it is.
The truth is that the girls have got some weird distortions in their birth dates! Angela, the eldest, thinks she was born on 20th March, and not 21st. Story goes that the ink on her original birth certificate smudged. Guess what—it conveniently smudged specifically on the ‘day’ area. Not the year or month, but the day! According to her, it wasn’t clear whether the digit after the 2 was a ‘0’ or ‘1’. That’s how she literally took matters into her own hands and picked the ‘0’ to make 20th.
As for Clare, Angela’s follower, she simply believes she arrived on 26th November and not 25th, and you’ll not convince her otherwise. I don’t know how she came to that; she obviously has her reasons. But her documents appear to indicate the wrong date! Oh, well, it’s the wrong dates for both the girls. In carrying out my investigation, I asked mother what’s up and how these anomalies came about, cos if there’s anyone that knows the littlest details about any of us, it’s her.
In her explanation, mom states it to me that she went into labor for Angela at 11pm on 20th, and the girl showed up on 21st at 3am! On the other hand, she went into labor for Clare on 24th November, nearly a full day before delivery—3pm, on 25th November. How 26th got dragged into the picture is something I’ll never get! Besides, the rule of thumb is that the actual day that you pop out is what’s documented as your date of birth.
As a concerned citizen of the Republic of Uganda and distinguished member of the family, I ask mom, “What do we do now?”. “Let’s just go with that!” she reluctantly responds. “That” being what the girls had settled for! So, in summary, every year we celebrate my sisters’ birthdays twice for each: the official day and then the unofficial/perceived/confused one. Very clever!
Argue all you want to, but it’s general knowledge that every woman has got a minimum of two birthdays. Yet it’s only on one of those birthdays that you’re permitted to compute a plus-one to their age; and—wait for it—you’ll still not know how old she is! Tell you what: it’s probably easier to discover the whereabouts of Cleopatra’s tomb than it is to establish a woman’s actual age!
Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars is an age-old expression loosely used to convey the view that whereas men and women are the same specie, they’re different in numerous ways. Being the curious cat that you are, you wonder why celestial bodies should be used to communicate this belief. To save you from scratching your head bald, I decided to get to the bottom of this, once and for all! And, so, we’ll dig in; take the analogy quite literally, make a character juxtaposition of the planets and the humans. Then we’ll see if this phrase holds water.
The name Venus has its origins in ancient Rome. Venus was a Roman goddess whose primary character attributes were love and beauty. Also, I’ve recently come to know from a Ugandan mystique that women were in fact created using the finest and purest material, which should further cement the concept that women’s physical attractiveness was intended to be over-the-top. It’s only natural for a lady to look hot!
It’s no surprise, therefore, that Venus is by far the hottest planet in the entire Solar system. Mars, on the other hand—and apparently where we the guys are from, is extremely cold. Sometimes it can plummet to a bone-chilling -140°C . Not sure though if that translates to our general coldness: lacking affection, unemotional et al. That will be a study for another day.
The highest temperature on Mars can be a fairly warm 35°C, and it hardly ever gets anywhere close to that. Venus, on average, is 13-times that! You could catch fire just thinking about Venus. It’s pretty clear that the girls were created hot!
On Venus, the sun rises from the West and sets in the East, which is different for Mars and all the other planets in our system. Well, it’s not that the sun rises from the West. It’s just that Venus spins in reverse, or counter-clockwise, if you like. As in everybody else is doing things this way, but she would rather do the opposite way! How’s that for some drama!
If you haven’t experienced this, then you’ve not lived. In many instances after a fight or misunderstanding, your lady’s emotions will kick into overdrive. The natural order of de-escalating the situation is that you’ll talk things over and then get to that delicate point where you gently ask if she’s fine, seeing as you’ve ceased fire. If you dare approach this moment recklessly, brace yourself for an extended period of high-level tensions that are sure to rival the US-Soviet cold war of the 1940s.
“Are you fine?” you ask her. She answers, saying, “I’m alright” or “It’s okay”. Please don’t be foolish enough to quickly believe that. You must probe further, cos she’s definitely not alright and it’s absolutely not okay! She’s in fact meaning the reverse of what she’s saying. If you don’t know how to read these signs, chances are high that you’re about to add fuel to the fire. You’re in a lot of trouble, mister!
In this Venus-Mars affair, reading between the lines is a full-time job. If you haven’t mastered this art of telling the signs, her surface temperature—which’s already high by default—could shoot, and you’ll get scalded. I doubt you want to know what it feels like getting exposed to 400°C of heat for days, or even weeks if you’re terribly unlucky.
The other interesting fact is that it takes almost two-thirds of an Earth year for Venus to go around the Sun. In contrast, it takes nearly two Earth years for Mars to orbit the Sun. That essentially means the Venusian year is by far shorter than the Martian year. By end of August, she’ll be done with her trip. The guy, though, is taking his time. He’s hoping to get done in December next year, all factors constant! Now you see why many ladies think guys are generally slow! By the second date, perhaps even on the first, the Venusian would like to know what your intentions are. She does not appreciate you moving in circles and taking her on coffee dates for two freakin’ years without stating your case!
After the moon, Venus is the brightest object in the night sky. If you look into tonight’s evening sky: on the horizon close to the Sun, just after sunset, you’re likely to spot it. It might be slightly veiled by the Sun’s afterglow, but you should be able to see. That’s the strength of beauty. Nothing’s too bright to obscure it.
The Venus-Mars analogy should help you recognize and hold in high regard the creative marvel of God. Creating woman from man, He still made them different so they would have need for each other. One to warm the other, and one to cool the other. Quite literally too! This creation called woman can only be the work of a Master Craftsman. How He blended complexity and sophistication with stunning beauty is nothing short of genius. The most beautiful, warm, sweet, tender, affectionate of all creation!
