He was only fending for his family. Unfortunately, complacency became his biggest undoing. If only he had looked left, right and then left again, like he always did before crossing the road, his precious life might’ve goat spared!
Even though he impregnated many other goats, Goatie was a family man–goat (pardon me!). He took great care of his kids (literally!), and that’s the reason he was going over to the other end of the village.
You see, with the lockdown came a sudden dip in the quantity of banana peels where he lived, cos the humans had now resorted to feeding on grain.
However, his best friend, Billy—with whom he shared a second name—was kind enough, alerting him to a new source. Despite the long and perilous journey, Goatie diligently trekked to and fro, on a daily basis, so the kids could have food on their pla–food in their trough!
Sadly, Sunday, 19th April 2020, would be the last day he ever crosses the road. Goatie paid the ultimate price when he perished in a freak accident. He died of Presidential motorcade!! In a tragic tale, misfortune seemed his lot as his beloved wife and parents were only recently hacked by humans over Christmas in December 2019.
Whilst some argue that his death was a case of human sacrifice—reason being that after the President’s armored car smacked into Goatie’s side, shattering his rib cage, the President didn’t stop, but rather sped off—others, in a horrifying twist, would like it to be recorded as covid-related.
Here’s why: apparently, if there had not been a virus, the lockdown wouldn’t have happened, and humans would’ve eaten a lot more matooke. And so, obviously, Goatie wouldn’t have had need to cross the road looking for peels.
Goatie was the family’s grasswinner! Whereas compensation was promised, no amount of money can ever bring him back. But we all sure hope that whatever figure it is, there will be no less than seven zeros trailing [‘seven’ symbolizing the person behind Goatie’s untimely and tragic demise].
With his ribs and side already thoroughly tenderized from that massive blow, just a little spice for treatment and Goatie will be cremated on the grill. He will thereafter receive a befitting send off accompanied with a glass of buttery wine.
Your stench lives on! Roast In Peace, Goatie!
