Nearly two weeks since the most dramatic US presidential election you’ve ever seen, and each new day gives a glimpse into what the next four years of the spanking new Trump administration might be like. With the trailer already running, it totally feels like for the next 1,500days after his inauguration we’re gonna be catching an epic blockbuster of Netflix proportions. Imagine a character that many thought was down and out, but then in a major plot twist, he makes a surprise resurgence arguably more powerful than before!
While nursing my anxiety a few days to election day, I’m flipping through my notes when I stumble upon a long-forgotten dream I had sometime in the wake of the much-contested 2020 bout between Trump and Joe Biden. The dream came to me on Saturday, 14th November 2020: I’m in the States in the company of President Trump and a bodyguard of his. Deeply concerned by the conspicuous absence of his Secret Service protection, I ask, “President Trump, where’s your security detail? Do you know you’re still President?”, to which he responds, “They’re somewhere!”. A little later, Trump was set to participate in a ceremony at the White House, where I heard the words “Walk of Fame”.
In a flash, Trump and I are in a different location within the perimeter of the White House and I’m standing behind him as he describes to me how we’re to match. “The right foot should take the first step,” he says. So, we strutted on for a short while and at the end of the stretch was the entrance into the White House—and through we entered.
On 20th Jan, Donald Trump will be waltzing into the White House having pulled off what’s easily one of the greatest comebacks since Diego Corrales vs. Luis Castillo! Being the misogynist that he is–at least according to his haters–Trump’s extraordinary return is certainly testament to his proficiency at inflicting emotional damage on women. For some detailed first-hand eyewitness accounts on this, contact Hillary and Harris!
Looking at his latest squad of technocrats, it’s apparent that the feisty President is not only making good on his promise to make America great again, but also, his second coming is clearly to judge the living, the dead, and the living-dead. There are indications that the bureaucrats, shadowy network of influential characters and manipulators of government policy are already crapping their pants!
The highly-divisive campaign cycle, the excitement and palpable anxiety in the days leading up to polling day undoubtedly set the stage for what would be a historic election—the possibility of a first woman president or the remarkable return of the Don. As the whims of fate would have it, Trump delivered the fatal blow that turned Kamala’s infamous cackle into a stream of tears.
Kamala’s campaign strategy of smiling and laughing her way to the Oval office was just about as effective as her performance at stopping illegals pouring into the country like swarms of ants. Her cackle was probably more suited for a chicken house than it was for the White House. Imagine a ‘President Kamala’ exploding into laughter at an edgy high-level diplomatic meeting to discuss something as delicate as the Russia-Ukraine crisis. Putin might think the new American admin is moving around with a soundtrack to meetings.
Trump, in contrast, having escaped two attempts on his life ran his campaigns against the backdrop of strength and resilience. I mean, if you can not only endure 4years of persecution, but also get shot at, and still want to run for President–that’s an impressive mark of character worth someone’s vote. From then on, his catchy Make America Great Again (MAGA) campaign slogan and the movement it represents appeared to gather more momentum. Trump’s rallies were a blend of superior policy and the sheer spectacle of this badass dude that literally took a bullet for his people. It was like watching a sequel where the villain returns with a smaller budget and somehow ends up more popular.
Speaking of budgets, Harris’s campaign spending spree was like watching a lottery winner blowing all their cash on fresh lottery tickets in the hope that they’ll hit a bigger jackpot. Whoever coined the expression “money burns a hole in your pocket” definitely had Kamala in mind, cos who blows $1BN in weeks, ends up $20M in debt, and disastrously fails to even hit the jackpot? How ironic for someone that aspired to manage the resources of a country as complex as the United States.
Also, if there’s anything to learn from this election, it’s the fact that polls are never to be relied upon. They’re sort of like the weather forecast. They’ll generally paint you a picture, but might leave you soaked in an unexpected outcome. So, when they told you it was gonna be a tight race, and election night bewildered you with a landslide for Trump, you should’ve known better. In the end, Harris’s campaign was as short-lived as a poorly-funded TV show.
Incidentally, President Trump’s second term cabinet is like the cast of a TV show, giving off the aura of an administration that’s set to be as entertaining as it is controversial. But perhaps the most intriguing concept of Trump’s regime will be Elon Musk’s daunting role at what’s been dubbed the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), which’s aimed at optimizing government activities and federal expenditure. In a country like Uganda, it might be named the Ministry of Government Efficiency (MOGE). More like MORGUE really, cos that damn initiative would be dead on arrival. Who doesn’t know that corrupt governments thrive on inefficiencies!? Let’s not even go there!
Overall, whether you’re rooting for Trump or not, his recent victory is sure to deliver a great deal of entertainment for the next four years; with unexpected plot twists to keep you hooked.
Related story: When the Secret Service got sloppy!
