How to be like Justice Julia Sebutinde!

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On our way there, we make a number of pits stops to catch our breaths, appreciate the scenic surroundings and, like you guessed, take a few pictures for remembrance. It’s on one of these brief stops, halfway the journey, that we ran into a bunch of tourists. They’re heading back out of the game park. They’re quite friendly and seem eager to join us in our photo moment. After a few photos, we exchange pleasantries and inform them we’re from Uganda and, they—all three of them—say they’re from Israel.

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Monday, 5th February, 2024

1929

Satire

2024 in the making.

By

EM

My major problem with the visitors came during meal time. You know that point when the guest wants an additional serving of chicken, but there’s none left in the dish, yet there’s a piece on your plate? You, my friend, had to involuntarily sacrifice that juicy chicken wing!

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Sunday, 14th January, 2024

8

14443

Music Review, Satire, Travel and Culture

Christmas then and now!

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EM

I’m not sure if in those days we were just misers, lazy, or maybe fancy decor ornaments simply didn’t exist yet, but our creative minds thought it smart to always use toilet paper in the place of ribbons! And, yep, there was a well-furnished supply of colorful rolls! So, you had linings of white, pink, green and blue toilet paper hanging from the ceiling all over the living room. For using toilet paper, I honestly wouldn’t blame you for thinking that was some shitty decor! But, hey, we didn’t seem to have issues with it, and neither did our guests. To all that, add a ton of twinkly lights, latex balloons and, mehn!—the strong scent that emerged from the house was nothing short of pure Christmas!

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Sunday, 24th December, 2023

4

2825

Cuisine, Satire

Uganda’s grasshopper cult!

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EM

Don’t get me started on the pre-roasted ones! Those insects are up there shamelessly competing with the price of fuel, you’d think they’ve got some sort of aspiration of becoming a commodity on the stock exchange. So, now we even have to choose between driving and eating grasshoppers!

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Saturday, 25th November, 2023

18

4704

Music Review, People

Joseph Sax: music that soothes the soul.

By

EM

While attending class one day, he receives a phone call from Godfrey who asked him if he could make it to the Firebase studios later that night to record a tune for an ad that required a saxophone line. “When I got there, it wasn’t an ad. It was a song!” Joseph recounts. The song was called For better, For worse by Bobi Wine. Star struck, this was the day he met Bobi Wine for the first time.

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Sunday, 12th November, 2023

6

3482

Opinion, Satire

How NOT to host the AFCON soccer tournament!

By

EM

The last time Kenya’s Harambee Stars appeared in the AFCON after so many years was in 2019. Except their stars didn’t shine bright enough for them to see beyond the group stages. Same for Tanzania–2019! On the other hand, Uganda’s national soccer team, The Cranes, don’t even know what the rest of you are talking about. Their last flight to those heights was way back in 1978!

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Monday, 16th October, 2023

4

4397

People, Satire

I dumped my barber!

By

EM

So far as I can tell, the sequence of events is that after your haircut, the barber dispatches you to a different station where you’re received by a lady who’ll be giving you the complimentary facial treatment. She’ll also be serving you a thorough massage to the head, neck, shoulders, plus your—uhm—see, right there is where this stuff gets a bit sticky!

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Saturday, 30th September, 2023

16

7856

Cuisine, Satire

The legacy of Rolex!

By

EM

The cheap limited edition comes with an iconic smokey, rusty taste that is derived from the often sooty pan on which it’s prepared. The smoke rising from the charcoal stove delicately sips into the omelette and is a fundamentally vital ingredient that can’t be taken for granted, cos you’ll never find that distinctive flavor in the neatly-made rolexes.

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Saturday, 16th September, 2023

16

5887

Opinion, Satire

Modern cannibalism: hello, nice to eat you!

By

EM

Cannibalism in itself has existed since ancient times, but has predominantly been practiced as a spiritual ritual or in the desperate times of famine rather than as a socially acceptable lifestyle. So, technically, human meat has been lurking in the shadows until now when the idea of normalizing its consumption is subtly crawling to the forefront.

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Monday, 28th August, 2023

5

7038

Satire

Uganda to World Bank: our bottoms are not up for grabs!

By

EM

Postcolonial Africa has largely been the playground for the western world in the aspect of scrambling for, partitioning and exploitation of the continent’s vast natural resources at the expense of its citizens. With the emphatic arrival of the West’s nemeses, Russia and China, at the poker table, the landscape may have been altered for the better.

EM