Author

EM

Satire

The DNA paternity test: to do or not to do?

“There’s no way by any stretch of the imagination that this child could be mine!” he’s thinking. Joseph is terribly disappointed. Up until this point, he had all the confidence in the world that no other man but he had bagged 100% rights to bringing Mary’s virginity story to a climactic conclusion. Suddenly, all that is no more!

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Satire

Visiting the ghosts of the Titanic!

I have great confidence that, henceforth, there will be more billionaires joining Elon Musk in exploring the vastness of outer space than there will be that dare to even board their own super yachts, lest the ghosts of the Titanic invite them to dinner without warning!

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Opinion, Satire

As a martyr of fact!

Finally, after many have left, this place gradually returns to its usual serene self; perhaps accommodating the occasional stranded pilgrims who conveniently don’t seem to remember the way that led them to the site. Or they simply gave up their return fare the previous night in exchange for some pieces of juicy chicken thigh at Rasta’s grill.

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People

The guitar tunes that went silent

Listening to all this, I’m seated there absolutely startled and terrified at this surreal story; wondering to myself who exactly this person is that mom is telling me about, cos that’s definitely not me! For over 30 years, she had kept a secret of this magnitude to herself!

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Satire

When the bodyguard puts his master to sleep!

Henceforth, the Ministers will naturally be inclined to splash cash at their bodyguards without stopping to count; and will regularly tell their protectors how they’ll always love them. Also, like their masters’ little brats, the bodyguards’ kids can now finally relish a sausage fest at every breakfast and enjoy freshly-baked bread with Nutella spread on one side and orange marmalade on the other.

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Opinion, Satire

The Expressway to the afterlife!

As you progress above 100kph, the steering wheel starts to feel weightless. You then get this sense that anytime now, you’re approaching that point where a slight distraction could cause you to get airborne. Even so, still you’ll find an extremely brave motorist flying past you at 130kph, and they’re driving a one-ton Toyota-IST.

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People, Satire

Media influencers should a-spire to in-spire!

The irony of the contrasting campaigns coming on the brink of running concurrently ensured an inconvenient but perhaps inadvertent clash of the two worlds. Talk about a spitting image of the Beauty and the Beast: the beauty of the West and the beastly roads that take you there!

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People, Satire

How much sheet shall we take?!

Typically, that’s the life-cycle of a corruption saga in this republic: money changes hands, a whistleblower sounds the alarm, the band of thieves pick a sacrificial lamb, and somehow the masterminds get to squirrel out of trouble, and that’s the end of that. Right there is how the crooked prongs of our justice system work. When the next scandal happens, press repeat!

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Opinion

The uncanny perspective on the collapse of Silicon Valley

In the days following SVB’s collapse, it goes without saying that the industry experts came out to split hairs and tell the world what went wrong, and what could’ve been done better. The irony is that just a month ago, these same pundits didn’t seem to have the set of eyes to look out for any imminent danger, and possibly sound the alarm. Ultimately, the experts’ best efforts to examine the matter have only been good enough for a postmortem.

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People

Why the chicken crossed the road!

As soon as you swing the door open and hop out of the enclosure of the car, the first thing that hits you is a heavy aromatic wave of roast wafting through the air. In no time, your brain dispatches a memo to the oral juices alerting them to prepare for deployment at the frontline. The regiment down in your belly is on standby too–ready for battle!

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